I have so much running around my head at the moment that I am losing sleep, badly. This morning I have woken on and off throughout the night and finally decided to get up at 3.30am. Lucky since Darren didn’t do the dishes last night before bed, I got a chance to get that all organised before I get myself ready for work.
So what’s going through my mind?
Everything from treatment coming up in over 2 months, that’s right over 2 months and I am already stressing over if we will be ready financially to take the trip, could end up postponing for another 2 months on top of that, going through the American summer.
My heart doesn’t want to postpone but my brain knows that I should. You see if we go at the intended time and we do get a positive, a singleton could be born around the birthday of my departed brother in-law, a nice omen I think if you believe in omens. Of course us believe in anything that gives us a slight chance to hope, no matter how slim that hope may be. Although, postponing might be better for the hip pocket in that we can save more and not be struggling, I will accrue more annual leave, meaning less for ‘unpaid leave’ which makes it better when we are away to cover our household bills, but I have been dreaming of returning to the States since we left in September last year.
What else is keeping me awake you ask. Well Darren’s business has slowed a little. It might be deemed crazy but the company that pay us, we have a hand shake agreement that we will not make boxes for other caravan companies, came back to work on the 16th of January and although we delivered 55 boxes at the time, we haven’t received another order. That worries me. I know that we delivered a large number but still, I like to know that we have orders sitting here waiting impatiently for us to compete. Darren has other work to do which will fill the next week or so but I like to know that the core business is on track, but this little delay frightens me, especially with treatment around the corner.
And, I also asked to go part-time at my day job to help Darren with the business, I am still waiting for the confirmation and as we are going through a merger at the moment, I don’t know when this will be. Which is lucky with the current situation with the business. I was thinking I could cancel the request but then if the business picks back up, which I am sure that it will, I will have to ask again!
So tell me, do you have anything that keeps you up at night?
There is a lot on your plate. Matters of the heart are hard to put aside when matters of the mind try to bring us back to earth. We want what we want, and we want it now. It is so hard to decide whether to follow your heart or your head. Take comfort in knowing that you will make the right decision in the end, whether you know it or not.
If my latest 2 cycles have taught me anything, it’s that I rushed into them before I was ready. If you need an extra 2 months take them and use them to get yourself ready, mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. Good luck!!
When I’m stressed or worried about something I’m likely to sleep more, in fact it’s all I can do to drag myself out of bed in the morning. It’s all about avoidance I know but I can’t change it.
Have you asked Darren what he would prefer to do? Best to have him supporting you.